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April Fools Day – Guitar Bollocks Special

gibson broken headstock

With April Fools Day just gone, we thought I would share a few of our favorite Guitar themed pranks from the last few years and also the best of this year’s crop.

Electro-Harmonix ‘BAG9 Bagpipe Machine’.

ehx-bagpipe-april-fools

Mad Mike Mathews and his knob twiddling disciples at Electro-Harmonix have always kept us smiling even when it’s not April Fools day.

Anyone that names a pedal a ‘Big Muff’ got is the right side of crazy in the world of the too serious music industry.

In 2018 they launched the BAG9 bagpipe Machine with the following blurb:

“Now you don’t need the real McCoy to annoy the daylights out of your neighbors and family. The BAG9 gives you nine 100% authentic—and probably analog—bagpipe sounds, with modes ranging from Braveheart to the cheeky Kilt Lifter”.

“Increase your gigs, as the BAG9 will give you access to play funerals, parades, battlefields and any number of drunk bar gigs on St Patrick’s Day.”

AC/DC cover bands around the world got excited for a minute at the prospect of being able to do ‘It’s a long way to the top’.

Oh well here’s a vid to keep you going with the brilliant Bon Scott having a right old blow of the pipes.

 

JPTR FX ‘Metal Zone 3000T’.

jptr-metal-zone-april-fools

Pork loving German company JPTR came out with this great prank in 2017 and asked?

“Want a souped-up Metal Zone with three footswitches and four toggles that probably do nothing”?

“How about a “Distortion” knob that goes from MAX all the way up to MAX”?

“JPTR FX’s 3000T will sort you out in a jiffy”.

“This is our remake of one of the influential pedal classics of metal history.”

and those experts at Keeley Guitar Effects updated the prank a couple of years ago with their version.

Keeley’s ‘MT-2019’.

keeley-boss-mod-april-fools

Here’s what they had to say in their 2019 launch of their modded Boss MT-2.

“Lots of people have asked for it, and we’re proud to announce that we’ll be bringing back mods”!

“Well.. Only one. But it’s the moddiest mod of all mods”!

Introducing the MT-2019, offering a switch for every frequency. (Run it in the effects loop for maximum tonal shapeage!)

Marshall’s ‘Invisi-Series’

marshall amps

Back in 2019 Marshall Amps presented there new ‘Invisi-series’ taking the meaning of a transparent tone to a whole new level!

Their blurb ran with the following:

“Marshall’s new Invisi-series amps promise to give you that classic 4×12 tone in full, unadulterated form”.

“Ever wondered how so many bands play without amps on stage? It’s time to reveal the secret”…

“Introducing the Invisi-series from Marshall”.

This year they’ve been at it again by offering the

Marshall ’46-channel footswitch’.

 

marshall 46 channel footswitch

 

On a video released on their Instagram page they launched a new 46 channel footswitch and from the screenshot above had the switches labeled up for prank settings such as ‘more cowbell’, ‘autotune’ and even ‘more talent’. Now if they had one with a switch of ‘Turn the F’ing bass down’ that would sell.

Gibson ‘Broken-Neck Limited-Edition Les Paul’.

Gibson Broken Headstock Les Paul

Back in 2018 Gibson CEO Henry Juszkiewicz revealed the company is gearing up to release a limited-edition series of broken-neck Gibson Les Paul guitars.

He said:

“I stumbled upon an article in which Kirk from Metallica talked about his famous Les Paul, the one that once belonged to Peter Green and Gary Moore. The guitar got its headstock broken off when Gary Moore was involved in a car accident. During this interview, Mr Hammett said that Les Pauls always sound better when you break their neck and repair them”.

“That’s when I got this idea. Why not do the limited edition Broken Neck Les Pauls with a DIY repair kit?

“This way we’ll have Les Paul with stronger necks and better sound. Plus, if some of the buyers turn out to be good at repairing these guitars they’ll get the chance to work for Gibson.

“We’ll soon be hiring the best guitar builders in the country and making the best Les Pauls in history. We’ll also hire the breaking professionals who will find the best ways to break off these headstocks at the perfect angle. And then we’ll put it all in a big package along with a DIY repair kit.

CEO Henry then went on to say the price was going to be $9,999

The problem was Gibson were that up their own arse hole at the time people actually thought it could be true.

The rest is history.

Jim Dunlop ‘Tortex Shred ’n Sniff’.

jim-dunlop-april-fools-scratch-sniff

In 2019 Jim Dunlop presented their Shred ’n Sniff picks.

Apparently they have been infused with the aromas of the most hipster-ish dishes out there today.

Anyone fancy Sriracha-infused poke bowl, artisanal tangelo marmalade, craft IPA (blueberry-flavored), and, of course, avocado toast. Struggling musicians won’t have to skip meals ever again.

The company said:

“These revolutionary picks combine the memory and durability of Tortex with the aromatic essence of today’s hottest culinary trends—the more furious the shred, the sweeter the smell”.

Fender ‘Ambicaster’.

fender ambicaster

One that made us smile a few years ago was the great left-hand guitar blog’s LeftyFretz‘s fantastic spoof Fender Ambicaster.

The Fender American Professional Ambicaster purported to be the first ambidextrous electric guitar.

Its unique selling point was that it had both left- and right-handed configurations in one instrument. Brilliant!

Best 2020 April Fools Day Prank Goes To:

The Chibson Hand Pick

Chibson Pick
Image credit: Chibson

The best laugh we had on this year’s Aprils fools day was courtesy of the brilliant Chibson who brought us the fantastic ‘Chibson Hand Pick’.

Chibson’s Instagram is well known for its excellent photoshop guitar puns and is really worth checking out.

Designed to tackle the problems that accompany traditional plectrums – namely getting lost in your acoustic or laundry – the Hand Pick is six times larger than other picks, with a 250mm thickness, so there’s no chance of losing it. Like, at all.

Check out the accompanying video it’s awesome.

Best of all it’s apparently available from Reverb.com for $9.99 all proceeds will be donated to the MusiCares Covid-19 Relief Fund.

Well that another load of ‘Guitar Bollocks’ for you.

Let us know your favorites April Fools Day Guitar Pranks.

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Vintage Guitars – Won’t Make You A Great Player!

Vintage Guitar

Sick of all the hype around vintage guitars. The idea that your not a great guitarist until you’ve sold your kidney to obtain one?

 

Well, start thinking outside the box, be original and make your own mark. Here’s how some of the greats have tried and have done it.

 

The Wayne Charvel ‘Hydra’.

Eddie Van Halen guitar

Before Eddie Van Halen changed the course of DIY guitar customization he would try all the tricks in the book to get noticed.

Hence the use of the ‘Hydra’ guitar by Wayne Charvel.

This beast features a bolt on maple neck with rosewood fingerboard. Also note the pre Floyd Rose Strat trem with brass saddles.

I’m not quite sure when Eddie received it, but something I am sure about is he was never coked-up enough to use it live regularly and the only photo I can find of him with this crazy curiosity is the pic below which looks like a promo shot.

 

Eddie Van Halen Hydra Guitar
“Does my hair look nice”?

Somehow I’ve never seen a reissue of it. He got there in the end though with his incredible musical skills and his unique ‘Frankenstein’ Strat creations.

Take care Eddie. We love ya.

ZZ Top’s ‘Fur’ Guitars.

 

Billy and his Texas plank spanking partner in crime Dusty have more in common than a fine collection of bird twigs in their facial hair, they’re both up for having some fun with the wood in their hands.

The bearded ones original Dean Explorer Fur Guitars were an instant WTF moment when they showed up on their MTV smash video ‘Legs’.

Their fur fetish didn’t stop there and they still play their fur-boding instruments live.

 

ZZ-Top-Fur-Guitars

This version was made by John Bolin and is inspired by another of our featured artists Bo Diddley’s iconic square Gretsch.

Prince ‘Symbol’ Guitar.

prince symbol guitar
“I can’t hear you”

Mad Musical Midget Prince was no stranger to the wacky world of original crazy guitar shapes.

Through his life, his originality shone through all he touched and that included his guitars with his famous ‘Cloud Guitar’ that now resides with all the other Alien artifacts at the Smithsonian Museum.

He reached his zany pinnacle of lunacy with his ‘Symbol’ guitar that was shaped surprisingly like the symbol he once replaced his name with.

This instrument was custom built by German luthier, Jerry Auerswald and is most well known when he played it at his iconic Super Bowl XLI Halftime Show performance through a rain and wind storm.

For those too busy practicing speed masturbation techniques to fully appreciate the Purple One’s genius just watch the amazing emotional solo as he joins Rock N Roll Royalty to perform “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” in tribute to George Harrison at the 2004 Rock N Roll Hall of Fame Inductions.

This time he’s playing on his famous tortoise-shell pickguard Hohner Tele.  The solo kicks in at 3.30 but it ain’t like you probably got anything else to do so sit back and enjoy the whole song.

 

Rick Nielsen’s ‘Hamer 5 Neck’.

Slapstick slaphead  Rick Nielen of rock legends Cheap Trick is a confirmed guitar nut in most people’s eyes.

Reportedly having a running collection of about 500 guitars and having been quoted as having owned at least 2000 guitars since his collecting started around 1964.

He doesn’t let us down when it comes to being a user of offbeat guitars to get noticed and is especially fond of multi neck madness.

Rick Nielsen Guitar
“Please wake me up when I’ve finished this solo”.

Rick has 3 custom made 5-necked Hamers.

This one, his favorite which was built in 1981 includes a fretless neck (bottom), one with T-style pickups, one with a Kahler vibrato, one with humbuckers and a hardtail bridge, and one that’s a 12-string on the top.

If you look carefully you can see the 5 way rotary just under his wrist for selecting which neck he’s using.

Rick has stated that he had them made to make him look normal (Hmm) after playing with 3 different guitars around his neck at the same time. God bless his back.

Rick estimates that he has 100 or so custom-made guitars in his collection, including the five-neck Hamer guitar.

“Originally, I wanted a guitar that had six necks on it,” he says. “I wanted it to spin like a roulette wheel. But around that time, Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top came out with a guitar that spun, so I decided to come out with something more conservative, a five-neck.”

He even had a double neck made in his likeness that he calls ‘Uncle Dick’ that he loves to play just in case you were wondering about his personality.

 

Uncle Dick

Rock on Rick. It’s good to see he knows it’s all about having fun.

Bo Diddley’s “Twang Machine” Gretsch.

Bo Diddley's twang Master

Bo Diddley, the self-acclaimed founder of Rock N Roll first created the rectangular-shaped guitar with Gretsch in 1958.

He drew his inspiration from old homemade instruments by folk musicians, who made guitars out of cigar boxes.

According to Diddley himself, the necessity for an instrument with a smaller body came after an incident with a Gibson L5, where he jumped around the stage a bit too much and eventually hit his groin with the guitar.

We’re not sure how the Twang Machine’s sharp corners are any safer, though.

How not to do it.

guitarbollocks.com

Sorry, I don’t know who this regulation folk-beard nut job is but he chose the wrong letter of the alphabet for his choice of guitar.

It should have been in the shape of a capital C.

Finally My Favorite.

guitarbollocks.com

The Wangmaster!

Just remember it’s all a load of ‘Guitar Bollocks’ that having a vintage guitar is the be-all and end-all. Being original is more important and fun. Especially if you’re skint.

Please send me your offbeat guitar pics and I’ll post the best.

guitarbollocks@gmail.com